“FAMILY POLITICS”
Scripture Lesson: Matthew 10: 34-39
Dr. Matthew Brown
It was one of those impulse
purchases that quickly lead to buyer’s remorse.
I should have known. I had
certainly been down this road before.
There was the hiking boot incident that one harsh winter when I could
not keep my feet warm and dry. In
desperation one day I rushed to the wilderness outfitter store and quickly
purchased a pair of $200 vibram soled, gortex lined, leather boots with the fancy little Vasque label on the side only to discover them to be the
most uncomfortable shoes I had ever worn.
And I’d rather not talk about the tassled
loafer incident or the Allen Edmonds loafer incident, which incidently,
is why you will seldom see me in loafers anymore. They looked so good. They cost so much. They felt so bad.
Let’s just say that if Donna
ever makes a questionable purchase, which is unlikely since I remain the one
foolish purchase she has ever made, but if she did, and if I get a little
uppity about it, all she has to do to reduce me to the size of... well, me, is
to refer to me as: “Hey you, loafer
boy.”
I should have known. I had been down this road before. But I was going to Disney World where there
would be a lot of walking in hot weather and where a number of rides would involve
water. In fact, on some days, we would
be going from a water park to the
Well, I was driving by this
wilderness outfitter store,
(I really need to stay away from those places.) and I remembered
how Donna raved about her Tevas, the popular sandals
that came out about twelve or thirteen years ago.
Well, the salesman, hereafter
referred to as the Devil, said, “We don’t carry Tevas. We’ve shifted to something better, yes,
definitely a step up from Teva. Notice the vibram
sole (What’s the deal with the vibram sole
anyway?) See how the straps are thicker
and sturdier, and most importantly, notice the strap for your big toe. That will give you a more natural and thus
more comfortable walking motion.” Don’t
want to go flippin’ and floppin’
in the house of the Mouse. Welcome to
Of course, at that point, I’m
like a drug addict who’s been appointed Ambassador to
Eighty dollars later I’m
walking out of the wilderness store so proud of my
What’s the must have sandal
today? Rainbow? Don’t want ‘em. Not with that blasted strap between the toes.
When you get right down to it, I don’t really like wearing sandals anyway; all
that dirt and nastiness finding a home amidst your little piggies.
But Summer
has arrived, a trip to the shore is coming soon, and lest I begin to resemble
“Mr. Black Socks on the beach”... my tender toes will just have to suffer.
Summer is here and the beach
is beckoning. Lemmings to the sea and
all that! Some of you have just returned
and others of you are gearing up to go.
Many of you are excited, but some of you are anxious. The source of the anxiety is not the sharks,
not the traffic snarls around
You cover your anxiety well,
but it is still palpable as you tell me about all the people who will be
gathering for your beach trip. Mom, Dad,
three kids, two sets of grandparents, two sisters, one brother, three uncles,
five aunts, sixteen cousins, three beagles, two cats, and a parakeet. When you say your family is going to the
beach, for some of you, that means all of them. It is a great idea. A grand opportunity. A glorious photo op. A wonderful tradition to
pass on from generation to generation.
But you’re a little anxious, because past experience tells you that by
midweek, you may not have the heart to sing Blessed be the Tie that binds.
Aunt Lil
is in tears because Uncle Joe called her a hypochondriac. You’re upset because this is the third night
in a row that you got stuck washing dishes while your goo-goo-eyed
sister and her ever-groping spouse have gone walking on the beach. Your cousin Bob insists on choosing that same
greasy fish camp for the annual family seafood feast. Your nephew broke your new kite. Your cousin dropped a peanut butter jar on Grandma’s
pinkie toe. “She shouldn’t have been wearin’ sandals,” you think to yourself. Your daughter is whining about her sunburn
and spending far too much time on the phone with her boyfriend back in
“Do not think that I have
come to bring peace to the earth,” Jesus said, “I have not come to bring peace,
but a sword. For I have come to set a
man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law
against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own
household.”
I can’t help but wonder if
Jesus had just returned from the annual family beach trip to the
Today’s scripture lesson is a
challenging and difficult text, made even more clear to me by the way some of
my favorite Bible commentarys sort of slide by the
passage, focusing more on literary characteristics than on the vexing questions
it raises. A first read of the text
almost makes Jesus sound like a little boy setting up toy soldiers for a mock
battle, like Jesus is indulging God’s hunger for human conflict. But I don’t think that is what is happening
here.
Could it be that Jesus is not
here stating God’s intention and will but is rather observing the reality of
human brokenness, particularly in those places where God is not the driving
force in the relationship.
Let’s put it simply. If my relationship with someone is not being
driven by the grace of God, it is being driven by my wants and my expectations
or theirs. The question, “What do I want
for this relationship?” will take precedence over the question, “What does God want
for our relationship?” And if,
perchance, you are listening for the guidance of God, I might be frustrated
because God’s desire for you and your relationships may well be different than
my desire for you and your relationships.
I, therefore, might not be so supportive of where the grace of God will
take you. How dare Jesus get in the way
of my manipulation of the people in my life!
“Do not think that I have
come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace but a
sword.”
“And one’s foes will be
members of one’s own household.”
Jesus is the prince of
peace. Jesus is the source of the peace
which passes all understanding. Jesus is
our peace, the one who can break down the dividing wall of hostility. But that wall of hostility is so strong
because its bricks are mortared with my selfish wants and desires.
Mother,
daughter, son, father, cousin, Grandpa, brothers and sisters in faith, friends,
aquaintances, enemies.
We persist in seeing them
with our limited eyes and refuse to see them as God sees them, and so the
conflicts continue. And truth be told,
we don’t want to see them as God sees them because that would mean giving up a
little control, a bit of dominion.
And thus, we approach that
great paradox of the Gospel. Those who
find their life will lose it and those who lose their life for my sake will
find it.
June is the month of weddings
and when I’m talking with young couples before their wedding, occasionally by
the grace of God, we’ll get beyond Martha Stewart’s vision of their nuptuals, and start thinking about life together. At that point I break it to them that they
are preparing to stand before God and family and make a bunch of promises that
they are not equipped to keep. Love,
honor, cherish, commit, covenant, sickness and health, plenty and want, as long
as we both shall live. They’re not
equipped for that and neither are we.
So how do we get there? How do we get there? Giving up our vision, our plans, our
scheming, our lives, that we may take on the lives God
has in store for us and begin to see one another, not as we have always seen
them, but as God sees them. “Those who
find their life will lose it and those who lose their
life for my sake will find it.”
This is a tough passage,
because it means you’ve got to give up dominion over your spouse, over your
children, over your church family, over your friendships, over your neighbor,
over your enemy so that you may see them, approach them, love them as God
does. So that you may want for them what
God wants for them, not what you expect from them.
This changes the dynamics of
family relationships, all types of family relationships, from the beach to the
boardroom, from the sanctuary to the senate chamber, from the White House to
the U.N.. And
families are resistant to change.
So that you may see them and
want for them what God sees in them and wants for them.
That is the path of
discipleship, and Jesus is honest when he says it is not an easy path.
Discipleship will cost you
your life. Discipleship will give you
your life. Both statements are
true. And thanks be
to God for it.
Amen.
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